Posted by Denise Meier on December 16, 2000 at 11:47:53:
Don't you wish!
GOD OVERRULES SUPREME COURT VERDICT
Bush to be smitten later today .
In a stunning development this morning, God invoked the "one
nation, under God" clause of the Pledge of Allegiance to overrule last
night's Supreme Court decision that handed the White House to George
"I'm not sure where the Supreme Court gets off," God said this
morning on a rare Today Show appearance, "but I'm sure as hell not going
to lie back and let Bush get away with this bullshit."
"I've watched analysts argue for weeks now that the exact vote
count in Florida 'will never be known.' Well, I'm God and I DO know
exactly who voted for whom. Let's cut to the chase: Gore won Florida by
exactly 20,219 votes."
Shocking political analysts and pundits, God's unexpected verdict
overrules the official Electoral College tally and awards Florida
to Al Gore, giving him a 289-246 victory. The Bush campaign is analyzing
God's Word for possible grounds for appeal.
"God's ruling is a classic over-reach," argued Bush campaign
strategist Jim Baker. "Clearly, a divine intervention in a U.S.
Presidential Election is unprecedented, unjust, and goes against the
constitution of the state of Florida."
"Jim Baker's a jackass," God responded. "He's got some surprises
ahead of him, let me tell you. HOT ones, if you know what I mean."
God, who provided the exact vote counts for every Florida precinct,
explained that bad balloting machinery and voter confusion were
no grounds to give the White House to "a friggin' idiot."
"Look, only 612 people in Palm Beach County voted for Buchanan.
Get real! The rest meant to vote for Gore. Don't believe me? I'll
name them: Anderson, Pete; Anderson, Sam, Jr.; Arthur, James; Barnhardt,
Our Lord then went on to note that he was displeased with George
W. Bush's prideful ways and announced that he would officially
smite him today. In an act of wrath unlike any reported since the Book
of Job, God has taken all of Bush's goats and livestock, stripped him
of his wealth and possessions, sold his family into slavery, forced
the former presidential candidate into hard labor in a salt mine, and
afflicted him with deep boils.
Dick Cheney will reportedly receive leprosy.